Anguish
by v-the-valiant
Summary: Zero's POV of the incident with Shizuka, including with a twist. Anime-verse


The smell of blood wafted down the hallway. The coppery, metallic smell…delicious…saliva filled my mouth...NO! DISGUSTING. I leaned against the wall, dry heaving. Such was the constant contradiction in my body; my mouth thirsted for the liquid, while my mind retched at the thought.

Blood seeped slowly into my shirt from the wound in my side, blood dripping steadily down my leg, and it took all my will to not suck _myself_ dry. Like a starving man eating his own arm, relishing the pain in his arm as the source of relief in his gut, my own thirst was so great that I could drink my own blood until I became dry as bone, skin wrinkled and fragile like ash.

I pushed myself off the wall, giving myself a little momentum. I stumbled forward, limping, my eyes fixed in front of me, on the trail of blood of _that woman_.

* * *

Turning the corner nearly undid me. I could see the open window with its curtains whispering slightly in the breeze, looking at me innocently, not knowing the anguish it caused me. Another breeze, carrying the scent of my maker's blood - my tongue stuck to my palate, dry with thirst. My knees grew weak with desire, and I clutched the balcony railing for support, my leg screaming in protest. My hand reflexively stretched to my burning throat, and I could feel, as always, the seal pulsing beneath my palm, barely keeping the monster inside me at bay.

Then I heard it. The sucking sound filled my ears.

Shock took over my senses, and carried me the final steps to the door, to see…

"What…are you doing?" the words left my mouth strangled from utter shock.

Suddenly, everything around me froze, and my entire consciousness zeroed in on that tongue…gently wiping away…

A shudder ran painfully throughout my whole body, my knees buckling underneath me. The pain of my shoulder slamming into the door paled into comparison with the sudden inexorable thirst, swelling my throat and tongue until I was gasping for breath, sweat beading down my back and neck. The seal pulsed hot and bright again. Another shudder ran through me, and I wrapped my arms tightly against myself, simultaneously trying to still my heaving chest and curb my uncontrollable desire to rush out with inhuman speed at that feast in front of me.

"Because of Shizuka-sama's blood, the level E inside your body is struggling, Zero." Ichiru's voice. Unbearably and incomprehensibly composed. I raised my head slowly.

"But, it's too late." And suddenly, I watched the form of _that woman_, my last and only hope, shatter into pearl's dust. Hope faded from my heart like the dying sun, slow and agonizing, as I watched Ichiru's hand close around the last remaining piece of crystal as the dust settled around him.

Ichiru broke the silence. "Of course, I wasn't acknowledged until the very end." My head snapped up, hearing the hitch in his voice.

"In the end, she never drank my blood. To her, I was just…" Still the same…after so many years…the same insecurity from Ichiru…thirsty for love, as I was thirsty for blood. Anger flooded through me, burning strong. Stronger even, than my thirst.

"Y-You're wrong!" How could he? How could he misunderstand? Wasn't it _clear _to him? "She…only wanted…" My heart raced, my breath short. "to keep you…from turning into a vampire..." I panted from the effort of having said so much. Perhaps sharing such an intense feeling with _that woman_…maybe such a thing should have disgusted me…but I too, had someone I would _die_ rather than turn into a vampire. _That_ was her love to him.

"Again! You again! The things I don't know even though I've been with her for so long! Why did she change you!?" Still misunderstanding, still blind…

"Ichi…ru…" I gasped out, trying to say more, but my body rebelled against me. I drooped against the door, when Ichiru suddenly grabbed me by the collar, and I let him support me, drained of all my strength to resist.

"Enough, it's no good, Zero." I heard him speak as if from a distance. I could feel the blood lust finally take me over completely, clouding my mind.

"The Zero now is not the Zero I hate or jealous of." Ichiru released me, watched me fall to the floor barely conscious, and turned away in disgust.

"You…you're already a Level E." The words slapped me awake, filling me with terror, as I watched him walk to the open window.

"Ichiru…!" I cried out to my brother in fear of the monster inside me, hoping he would turn around and help…help like he helped fight away my monsters of the night Shishou lost his eye.

_"SHISHOU!!" I woke up screaming, tears streaming down my cheeks, my eyes still full of the kindly nurse turned savage and cruel._

_Warm arms enveloped me, holding me tight, as my tremors lessened. _

_"Oni-san…don't be scared."_

He was gone.


End file.
